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Showtime: Comedic Acting Scenes for Two Actors

ShowTime: Comedic Acting Scenes for Two Actors
If You Love Comedy ... Showtime is for you!













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Showtime: Acting Scenes for Two Actors


SHOWTIME: Comedic Acting Scenes for Two Actors was written specifically to close a much need vacuum for scene-study materials for actors, directors, coaches and teachers can work on their craft. This book is also an excellent book for staging productions. In addition to the sixteen very funny scenes for two actors, there is a chapter on stage terminology, film terminology, and a chapter on commonly used vernacular. For actors who are constantly looking for material to work on during down time or coaches and teachers looking for new materials ... this book will certainly fit the bill.

Below are partial scenes from SHOWTIME: Comedic Acting Scenes for Two Actors

No Harm, No Foul 

Scene #6
(I Did Not Steal The Cow)

This scene is from Hudson's outrageous stage play comedy, "No Harm, No Foul".  This scene takes place in the courtroom, which is an old barn in the Deep South. This is the wackiest "kangaroo court" and judge ever. Bojack is being grilled on the stand by Colduct (Plaintiff's Attorney) and Bojack tries to be evasive and not answer the questions directly.

Bronx House

Scene #10
(I Am A Woman)

(This scene takes place inside of the jail cell in the Bronx House of Detention. due to over crowding, two street gangs, The Black Birds and The Hyenas, are rival gangs but are placed in the same cell. Their bunk beds, top and bottom, are on opposite sides and Sixty-nine's bunk bed is up stage center between the two gangs.  After being ruffed up by both gangs, Reggie crawls into the bottom bed where a very horny and flamming gay Sixty-nine sleeps. Reggie is a complete nerd)

Coldcutt:     (Angrily) Getting back to my original question. yes or no!

Bojack:        No!

Coldcutt:     No What?

Bojack:        No! It's not my first run-in with the law!

Coldcutt:     Would you like to tell us about it?

Bojack:        No!

Coldcutt:     Bojack!

Bojack:        (Pause, then reluctantly tells why he was put in jail for the
                     first time
) Few years ago, I was locked up because I was 
                     accused of stealig a cow.

Coldcutt:      ( She stands behind Bojack, leans over and speaks in his
                      right ear
)  Did "you steal he cow?

Bojack:        No! I ... did .... not steal ... the cow!

Coldcutt:     "If" you did not steal the cow, you wouldn't have been in 
                      trouble with the law."

Bojack:        "If" my aunt had NUTS, she would be my UNCLE! (The 
                      courtroom errupts with laughter. The judge orders the 
                      court to quiet down. Coldcutt walks away from Bojack 
                     and softly speaks
) ... ( full scene in the book)

(Sixty-nine has a pink handkerchief tied around her head with the knot to the front. She sees Reggie lying on the bed, she climbs on top of him, and tries to kiss him. He starts struggling and screaming)

Sixty-nine:      Ohhhhh lordy, lordy, lordy! Thank you law! Thank you! 
                          (Reggie is trying to get up)

Reggie:            Get off of me man! (Reggie gets up)

Sixty-nine:       Sixty-nine is on your behind, baby. (Looking up to the
) After two years in this place, you finally heard
                          me lawd! (Nervous and not knowing what to do, Reggie
                          drops down and starts doing push ups
) No, no, no, no
                          no ... no baby. You don't have to do that. (She lifts him 
                          up by the belt, stands him up, and begin to dust him off
                          Save your energy. (Smiles at him) Wuff! Now come on
                          back her to the house of pleasure. (She leads him to 
                          the bottom bunk. She has her arms around him as 
                          walk and she slowly slides her right hand down his back
                          and palms his butt. He reaches back and slides her arm
                          back around his waist. They sit on her bunk)
Now, what's
                          your name and what are you doing in my bed?

Reggie:            They told me this was my bed.

Sixty-nine:       They lied. Let me tell you something, honey. When I 
                          walked in here and saw you laying in my bed, I knew there
                          was a god ... and now you're trying to front.

Reggie:            (Speaks very proper English and doesn't understand 
) I am not fronting! I'm just trying to make some sense
                         out of this place.

Sixty-nine:      What's the name?

Reggie:            Reginal.

Sixty-nine:      Yuk! I was hoping for something a little more ... bolder. Like 
                         ... Bruno or ... or .... Buster. Any who, you were in my bed
                         and no one gets in my beddddddddd unless some boots 
                         (have sex) are gonna get knocked!  (continued in the book)

The Plaintiff

Scene #15
Did You Kill 'Em?

(This scene is from Hudson's feature film, "The Plaintiff."  Lawyers are turning up dead and Raddision Coldtrain has been arrested as the prime suspect. At the precinct, a cop is opening Raddison's cell to let Kenny in (Raddison's friend) Kenny walks in, cop locks the cell door and leaves)

Thaddeus McCain

Scene #16
I Don't Owe You Noting

(This Scene is from Hudson's Comedy/Action feature film, "Thaddeus McCain".  This scene takes place in the unemployment office. McCain is trying to collect unemployment because he is out of work.  Pauline is in a very bad mood and is being diffcul. She is sitting)

Kenny:          What's up? (They Shake hands)

Raddison:      Just 'chillin.

Kenny:           How you're livin'?

Raddison:      (Sarcastically) LARGE, my brother, very large. Have
                       a sit down. Take a load off. (Raddison smiles) Kick off
                       your shoes, sit back, and make yourself comfortable.
                       (Kenny slowly sits and never takes his eyes off of 
                       Raddison) Would you like some wine? Perhaps you'd
                       like to try our famous croissaints?

Kenny:           You're not taking this serious are you?

Raddsion:      Why should I? I didn't kill those lawyers.

Kenny:           ... so who killed them?

Raddison:     Shakespeare! (Raddison burst into laughter but Kenny is
                      not amused

Kenny:          (Slowly) You're joking around. These people are gonna fry
                      your nuts and your nipples on a shish kabob stick. What
                      wha .... wha.... what are you talking about ... Shakespeare
                      kill them?

Raddison:     He had a motive. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said, " First,
                      let us kill all the lawyers?"  (Kenny stares at him and shakes
                      his head in disbelief at how lightly Raddison is taking his

Kenny:          RADDISON!

Raddison:     KENNY!

Kenny:          You ... are crazy!

Raddison:     Aren't we all?

Kenny:          No! We're not all crazy!  Did you kill 'em?

Raddison:     No! Did you kill 'em?

Kenny:          Hell no! Why would I kill 'em?

Raddison:     I don't know. Why would I kill 'em?

Kenny:          You had a motive.

Raddison:     They also said, "I got hair on my nuts ... does that make me 
                      hairy or jus a man with hair on his nuts?

Kenny:          (Angry) Forget it!

INT: (Interior) C/U SHOT

Pauline:       You will get your check in aobut ten days!


McCain:       You've been telling me that for the last four weeks. 
                      I need my money!


Pauline:        If you can get your money faster than we can ... be
                      .... my ..... guess!


McCain:       Why is it that when you owe the government ... you
                       always have to pay when the government says pay,
                       but when the government owes you ... you're lucky
                       if yoiu ever get paid?


Pauline:        (Stands and is tired of being questioned) Because
                       that's the way it isssss!


McCain:     (Frustrated) Can you tell me exactly how much money you 
                    owe me?

Pauline:       (Furious and snaps back) I don't owe you nothing!

McCain:       (More Frustrated) I mean ... how much does the
                      unemployment office owes me?


Pauline:       I ... don't .... know!

No Harm, No Foul

Scene #5
My Name Is Bojack

(This scene takes place in the cotton field after lunch break. Bojack, extremely homophobic, is nervous to death around Vinnie. Bojack, his sidekick Doc, and others are finishing up their lunch break and Vinnie enters looking for Bojack. Bojack is so nervous that when Trixie gives him a cup of water, he dashes himself in the face with it instead of drinking it. Everybody watches Bojack and giggles as he and Vinnie interacts. Vinnie enters)

A Piece Of My Dream
(The Movie)

Scene #11
Pants Hanging Down

(This scene takes place in the living room, at night in Sunshine's parent's home. Sunshine just returned from, honorably discharged, the Army's Special Forces. He's been away for quite a while. His brother tries to explain some of the new and latest styles and fashions as they rap up a card game)

Vinnie:          Yoo hoo!!!!! Sweetback!

Bojack:          (Angry) My name is Bojack!

Vinnie:           Don't mush you knish! (Puts his arm around Bojack's shoulder
                     and Bojack slaps it off

Bojack:         (Upset and brushing himself off as if Vinnie's touch covered him 
                     with poison
) Why you always got to be touching people? ... And 
                     why are you on this damn plantation anyway?

Vinnie:           (Very sexy) For slitting my mother's throat!

Sunshine:          Why would anybody in their right mind wear their pants around
                         their butts, and their hats on backwards?

Meachie:           (Stands) Trying to be cool! Trying to pull the honeys! I use to 
                         do it to. I remember (Demonstrating) I was on the corner one
                         day (Hangout spot) and BAM!!! A cutie walked by and I said,
                         BAM! What's up? And she was FLY!!! (Cute) I had it goin on
                        with a deaf rap (Smooth talking) and she was 'frontin (Pretending
                        she was not interested)
so I was just 'gettin ready to drop some
                        dope rap on her .. (Smooth talk)

Sunshine:          (Puzzled and confused by the slang) What kind of dope?

Meachie:          (Giggling) Just ... just listen fool ...

Below is some commonly used "Stage & Film" terminology


(Page 77 in the book)
Theatre (Stage play terminology)

U/S               Upstage (Toward the back of the stage, away from the audience)

D/S               Downstage (Toward the audience, near the stage)

C/S               Center Stage (In the middle or center of the stage)

S/L                Stage left (To the actor's left side of the stage while 
                      facing the audience)

S/R                Stage right (To the actor's right side of the stage while
                      facing the audience)

U/S/L           Up stage left (To the actor's left and towards the back of
                     the stage)

U/S/R           Up stage right (To the actor's right and towards the back
                      of the stage)

*More stage terminology on the following page in the book


(Page 81 in the book)

Film (Screen Play Terminology)

INT:                         Interior

EXT:                        Exterior

C/U:                        Close up

L/S:                         Long Shot

FADE IN:               Picture slowly comes in

FADE OUT:           Picture slowly goes out

PANNING:            Camera moves from left to right, up or down
                                or across

*More terminology is in the book

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